Chapter 15: Shut Up And Take My Money
I’m back in my apartment. I dropped my two duffle bags on the floor the moment I walked in. The place feels foreign now, like when I first moved in. I walked into my room and collapsed on the mattress. “Feels like I’m staying at a stranger’s house,” I muttered to no one.
I want to leave. Go back home. And by “home,” I mean Josh’s place.
It’s only been twenty minutes since I left and I’m already missing him like hell. Can I actually go two full weeks without seeing him? Well… I guess this is how I find out.
I sat up on the bed and texted Diana immediately. I told her everything. I even called her a witch for predicting all that happened. She was happy for me but I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything but dread. I still have a lot of things to think about.
I flopped back on the bed, wide awake. I need a plan for these two weeks, something to keep myself busy. I’ll schedule time in the evenings to really think things through. Gotta get back to working out too. The gym in my apartment complex is pretty crappy, but beggars can’t be choosers.
“Ha… I wonder what Josh is doing…”
The week dragged.
It felt like detox. Like I was trying to wean myself off some highly addictive drug, except the drug had a killer smile, soft eyes, and a body like a Greek statue.
Lunchtime came and went without the usual photo of his lunch. That alone almost broke me.
I spent half the night lying awake wondering why this feels so complicated. Why is there always this mental block when I think about being with Josh?
I finally figured it out. This is my dilemma:
I do like Josh. I have strong feelings for him. But is it love? Or just a really intense friendship? I mean, yeah, I’ve fantasized about him. A lot. But am I just pent-up and clinging to the closest warm body?
And then there’s Tyler.
Fucking Tyler.
He’s the one who introduced me to Josh. They’ve been friends for years, and from what I’ve seen, Josh means a lot to him. If Tyler finds out about us? He’ll flip. It’ll nuke his relationship with Josh and whatever sibling bond we barely have.
And Dad? If Tyler tells Dad… I don’t even want to go there. The man would rather die than have a gay son.
I miss Mom. If she were alive, maybe I’d have someone who’d actually understand. Someone safe.
So what now? Should I take the risk and keep everything hidden? Could I even do that? Would it be worth it?
By Friday, I still had no answers. All I knew was that I missed Josh like crazy. I distracted myself the best I could, Cooking, cleaning, even organizing my sock drawer, but every time I stopped moving, I just ended up staring at the pictures I had saved of him.
I stayed off social media so I wouldn’t be tempted to check his posts… or worse, like them.
I was cooking dinner when Tyler called. I guess I should finally answer, I’ve been ghosting his texts for weeks. Honestly, I hadn’t even read them. Not on purpose. I just… couldn’t deal.
“Hello?”
Tyler: “What the fuck, man? Are you ignoring me?”
“No, why would you say that?”
Tyler: “‘No my ass. I’ve been texting you and you haven’t even opened them.”
“Haha, sorry. I’ve been busy.”
Tyler: “Busy with what? Your dick in your hand?”
“Shut up. What do you want?”
Tyler: “I guess you’re not coming tonight since you’re so ‘busy.’”
“What? What’s happening tonight?”
Tyler: “It’s Josh’s birthday, dumbass. I texted you about it two weeks ago.”
I was stirring a pot, but I dropped the spoon the second he said it.
Josh’s birthday.
He didn’t tell me. I was literally at his place all week and he never said a word.
“Sorry, I was just thinking… he didn’t mention it.”
Tyler: “Maybe he hates you. Haha.”
Quite the opposite, actually.
Tyler: “Since I’m his best friend and know everything about him, I figured I should call. He probably wants you there.”
Ugh. That smug tone. He’s not wrong, but still. Tyler might know Josh’s middle name, but I’ve seen what’s under his boxers. So… maybe he doesn’t know everything about him.
If he has seen it, I’ll lose it. Josh is so damn casual about his body, swinging it around like a damn pendulum when he thinks no one’s looking.
“I’ll be there. What time, where, and who else is coming?”
Tyler: “Jeez, calm down. Eight o’clock. His place. A few friends from grad school. That’s it.”
“Got it. Bye.”
Tyler: “Rude ass motherfucker. Alright, see you then.”
Shit. I need to get him a gift. I can’t just show up empty-handed.
Think, Sean, think. He talks all the time. What’s something he’s mentioned wanting?
Should I just kiss him? He’d like that.
No. Too soon. Too… cliché.
I jumped in the shower, then hit the store.
As I stepped out of the store, bag in hand, I felt a spark of confidence. Mid-shampoo, I remembered something. Josh had ranted about a rare Japanese whiskey he wanted for his collection.
I did a quick search, called a specialty shop, and miracle, they had it in stock.
Two grand. Comes in a leather case. I slapped it on my credit card. Worth it just to see his face.
It’s 8 p.m.
I’m in the elevator, whiskey in hand, nerves in my throat. I brought Josh’s keycard with me. He never asked for it back.
Should I knock? Or just punch in the code?
I’m standing at his door now.
It’s quiet inside. Looks like no one’s here yet. It will be only the two of us.
What do I do?
The BL Nook 
I’d love to hear your thoughts!