The BL Nook

Chapter 20: Straight Out Of K-Drama

“What the fuck just happened, Sean? Why did they leave?”

“…You look upset. Did I interrupt the best blowjob of your life or something? My bad.”

“Seriously? You’re so-”

“I’m so what?”

“You’re so fucking all over the place! Could you just get your shit together for once? You planned this whole fucking night and now you’re backing out?!”

I’ve never seen him like this. Never heard his voice this raw. He’s never talked to me like that before. My throat clenched, the tears right there, begging to spill, but I swallowed hard, trying to hold it in. He got up, turned off the music, and started pacing like he was about to explode.

I stayed quiet. He wasn’t wrong. But more than that… I knew the moment I opened my mouth, I’d fall apart.

“I’m so fucking tired of this, Sean. Do you have any idea what this is doing to me? Do you even care?” he said, voice breaking. “I’ve told you again and again. I don’t care about anyone else. All I want is you.”

“That’s easy for you to say!” I snapped back. “It’s not that simple for me, okay?! I do care. About what people think. About your life. Mine. This isn’t as black and white as you make it out to be!”

He stopped pacing. His eyes locked on mine, bloodshot and wet.

“Sean… Either you want to be with me or you don’t. And if it’s taking you this long to decide, then maybe you already have.”

“Josh, that’s not fair.”

“I’m fucking done,” he cut in, voice cracking. “I’m done trying to convince you to choose me. Sniff Can’t you see I’m madly in love with you? And this is what I get? This indecision, this constant back and forth sniff. It’s clear to me that you will never be in love with me….”

He paused, fighting to breathe through the sobs. “I’m letting you go, Sean. You’re free. Free from me and this pathetic one-sided love. Just…get the fuck out.”

“Wait Josh. Don’t-”

I shot up from the couch, stumbling over my feet. My eyes burned, spilling hot tears down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop them now even if I wanted to. Him telling me to leave, it felt like something inside me shattered. I don’t even remember the last time I cried like this. Maybe when I was a kid. But this… this was worse.

The thought of never seeing Josh again made my chest ache so badly I thought I’d vomit.

I want to stay. I want to be with him. I don’t want to lose him. I love him. I love him. I…love him? I do. I really, really love him.

I realized it mid-step. As I reached for him. But when I tried to touch him, he shoved my hands away.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” he hissed. “Just leave. That’s what you wanted, right? Just forget about me. Forget everything we had. I’ll do the same.”

“Sniff Josh, just listen to me. I want to stay. I want to be with you. I don’t want to lose you.”

He shook his head. “Our friendship meant something, I get it. Maybe once this cools off, we can go back to being friends. But right now? I need you to leave.”

He bumped into my shoulder. Hard, as he stormed toward the bedroom.

“Josh…”

“…”

“Josh, please…”

“…”

“Josh!”

He didn’t turn around. He was almost in the room. I panicked. If he shut that door, it was over.

Without thinking, I grabbed the nearest thing. The empty glass on the coffee table. And hurled it at the wall. The shatter echoed like a gunshot. Glass exploded everywhere.

Josh whipped around. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Now that I have your attention,” I panted, “will you please just listen to me?”

“Are you nuts?! Why would you throw the-”

“Shhh. Shut up. You’re being annoying right now.”

“I’m being annoying? You’re the one who-”

“You annoy me all the time!” I shouted. “You tell these dumb jokes that make me laugh even when I don’t want to. You get away with everything by acting cute and I hate that it works on me. You bat those stupid puppy eyes or cry just to get what you want, and it’s infuriating. You chew your food like a goddamn tractor, and you’re clingy and way too touchy-feely. But despite all that… You know what? I love every single thing you do. I’m in love with you too, you idiot”

His jaw dropped. I kept going.

“I love everything about you, Josh. And I love you so much it terrifies me. I don’t want to live without you. So if you want me to leave, I’ll go. But I’ll come back tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. However long it takes. Because I’m choosing you.”

He stood there, frozen in the bedroom doorway. Eyes wide. Mouth open.

“…My chewing annoys you?” he finally asked. “How come you never said anything?”

“Seriously? That’s what you took from that?!”

“Wait. hold on,” he said, walking toward me, voice suddenly quiet. “Say it again. I’m up close now. I can hear you better.”

“Fuck you.”

He grinned. “Say it again, please. The hot burning love declaration. Especially the ‘can’t live without me’ part.”

“You are so fucking cringy. I think I’ll leave now.”

“No! Say it, Sean. Please.”

This bastard. Puppy eyes again. God, can’t he learn new tricks?

But fuck it. I came this far. I wasn’t backing down.

I cupped his face in both hands, stared him dead in the eyes, and whispered

“I love you, Josh. I love you so much, I can’t live without you.”

He pulled me into him with a force that knocked the breath out of me. His lips crashed into mine, desperate and wet and messy. Our tears, our snot, our everything… tasted salty, tasted real. His tongue pressed into my mouth and I couldn’t get enough. I clung to his neck, pressing us tighter, until we were one gasping, sobbing mess.

We kissed like we were trying to swallow each other whole. Like this was the first and last kiss we’d ever have.

Finally, I tugged on his hair, pulling him off my lips as he bit my bottom one.

“Hey,” I whispered, panting. “Can we please fuck now? I’m dying to have you inside me…”

He grinned, breathless. “You better mean that, because we’re fucking all night”

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