The BL Nook

Chapter 31: The Dream Life

Huh? What is this?

Why am I standing in front of this random door? I must be dreaming.

I turned the knob and stepped inside. The air hit me like a memory. I was back in the first house Josh and I bought. Everything was just as I remembered. I tiptoed toward the kitchen, uncertain what I’d find, heart fluttering. I peeked around the corner.

There we were.

Josh sat on the kitchen island, legs dangling, and I stood between them, gazing up at him. We looked so young. Josh lookin fine as hell, like always and  beardless then. I glanced at myself. God, I’d let myself go. Still, there was something beautiful about how wide-eyed and in love we were.

We were talking, but I couldn’t hear a word. I crept closer, half-expecting them to notice me, but they didn’t. I was a ghost in my own past.

“Are you nervous?” young me asked, a grin tugging at his lips.

“Not at all. I can’t freaking wait for tomorrow already,” Josh said, grabbing my face and locking eyes with me.

Oh. This was the day before our wedding.

“You’re gonna cry, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am. The second I see you in your wedding dress.”

“How many times have I told you? I’m not wearing a wedding dress!”

A knock at the door startled me. Young me turned to open it, it was a delivery. My heart sank.

I remember this.

“That’s from my dad,” I said to myself.

Josh leaned over young Sean’s shoulder. “What is it?”

“I don’t know, but it’s from my dad,” younger me replied.

We had sent invitations to both my dad and Tyler as a formality. Neither of them had responded, just as we expected. I opened the package, and inside were pictures, old ones. Me as a child. Some of Mom. And a note. My hands trembled as I watched myself unfold it.

<Sean,

I have no use for these anymore. I also included your favorite teddy bear from when you were a baby.

I figured you might get to use it someday.

Anyway, I guess congratulations are in order.

I hope you two have a good life.

–Dad>

Even now, I could feel the lump in my throat. I didn’t cry back then. Josh did it for me.

“Oh look, baby, your teddy bear looks like me,” he had said, trying to lighten the moment.

I smiled at the memory but forced myself to move. I made my way to our bedroom. That room held other memories. Some dirty, some sacred.

Inside, it was us again. Josh threw himself onto the bed, arms stretched out.

“Ugh, we’re finally home!”

I was in the walk-in closet with our luggage, defeated and sunburnt beyond recognition. Ten days in Greece had done a number on me. Our honeymoon was incredible. Paradise Beach in Mykonos had been, well… paradise. Some days we barely wore clothes. Others, we didn’t leave the room at all.

Josh could still carry me back then, and thrust like he was doing reverse curls. God, we were insatiable.

I watched my younger self collapse onto the bed next to him, exhausted.

“Ouch… fuck…”

“Haha, no matter how much sunscreen you used, you still got fried. Want me to put on some cream?”

“Yeah. Please.”

I peeled off my shirt and lay face-down. Josh climbed on top of me, massaging carefully. Until I felt his hips slowly grinding into me.

“Hey… What the hell are you doing? Was fucking for ten days straight not enough for you?”

He yanked down my pants.

“Your sensitive skin is making me hard. Can we do it just once? Pretty please?”

“Fine. But just once.”

It was never just once. Liar.

I chuckled and turned away, giving them privacy. As much as I could watch us go at it all day, I knew better. I wandered through the hall, eventually making my way to the living room. I sat down on the couch, closed my eyes, and sighed.

Then, the front door opened.

Josh stepped in, cradling a car seat.

My heart clenched. I knew exactly what this was.

We had just come back from the hospital.

Young me stumbled in, arms full of bags, nerves shot. I accidentally slammed the door. The baby cried.

“Fuck. I mean, oops,” I muttered.

Josh carefully lifted her from the seat and held her against his chest like he was born to do it.

“There, there. Daddy didn’t mean to do that.”

He handed her to me and went to fix a bottle. I remember the way my heart pounded the first time I held her. Emma. Named after my mom. My eyes. My hair. My DNA. And entirely her own little miracle.

I stepped closer, staring at her tiny face. Pictures never did justice to how beautiful she is. This was back when her tone wasn’t soaked in sarcasm. Before the eye-rolls and snarky comments. Before she became a strong woman who challenged the world with every breath.

I walked down the hallway to her room but paused before entering. I looked back. Two young parents. And their growing family.

Inside the room, night had fallen. The only light was the soft glow of a nightlight. In the crib, Emma, maybe two years old, slept soundly. And across from her… Teo.

Mateo. Josh had insisted on a Spanish name, and It was perfect.

I reached out to touch him but couldn’t. He started to stir. Then, cry. He looked so much like Josh when he cried. Both handsome crybabies.

The door creaked open. Josh came in half-asleep, scooped him up, whispering soft nonsense. I entered behind him, rubbing my eyes, bottle in hand. Emma joined the party, wailing.

We tried everything. Rocking, bouncing, begging.

Nothing worked.

I stepped away, gently closing the door. No thanks. I rather not relive those sleepless nights again.

When I turned around, it was daytime again. Laughter echoed from the backyard. I peeked through the glass doors.

There we were, our little family. Emma and Teo were older now, maybe six and eight, bouncing wildly on the trampoline. Josh and I sat nearby, beers in hand. His arm around my shoulders. A kiss pressed to my temple.

We looked so damn happy.

I don’t know what I did in life to deserve this. To find this much love. To live this much joy. I didn’t grow up with it, but I sure as hell built it with Josh. For them.

I never wanted to wake up.

I stepped toward the glass door, ready to walk outside, to join them again.But as I moved, everything slipped away.

I gasped awake, twitching slightly. Josh was draped over me, kissing my neck.

“Did I wake you?” he murmured.

“No… it’s okay.”

“You were mumbling and moving around. Were you having a nightmare?”

“Quite the opposite. Best dream I’ve ever had.”

His brows lifted. “I better have been in it, or I’ll be upset.”

I laughed. “You were. And Emma. And Teo.”

“That does sound like a nice dream.”

He suddenly straddled me and launched a kiss attack, holding my wrists down as I squirmed and screamed with laughter. His beard tickled like hell.

“Stop, stop! Oh my God, I’m gonna pee!”

He paused, looking down at me, eyes warm and full of something infinite.

“Happy 20th anniversary, my love,” he whispered

The End

Thank you so much to everyone who gave my novel a chance. I hope you enjoyed it!

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